Well, things went crazy there for a while with COVID19. They’re still not back to “normal” yet, of course, but it’s been so long since I’ve updated that I felt the need to update today.
The Last 3 Months
The good news is I haven’t really gained much weight. The bad news is I haven’t really lost weight either. There have been a lot of road blocks I’m trying to work though since the COVID19 pandemic started. This has all been a learning experience for me, which I’m really trying to look at as a good thing.
Things I Have Learned
The main thing I have learned is that I’m a stress/anxiety eater. But maybe not in the same way as others. I have some real struggles with anxiety, and when COVID19 hit, it basically took away my ability to deal with anxiety in a healthy way. My two main healthy ways of dealing with it were spending time with friends (in person), and leaving my house to go to the gym. Both of those things are gone, while adding additional stressors (like unexpected home schooling). The problem is, once I feel a certain amount of anxiety or stress, I can’t seem to care if I make a good food choice or log my calories, or pay attention to my body cues etc… I get into a state of “nothing matters other than the immediate reduction of stress!”. Sure, I know I’ll care later, but in the moment feeling better as quickly as possible, and not adding anything else stressful to my life becomes much more important. Since I’m a stay at home mom of two young children (one whom just turned 2), I really depended on my “escapes” from the house to remain… well, sane. There’s really no way to solve this problem, other than significantly reducing my anxiety and stress. I am still not sure how to go about doing that under the current circumstances, since my husband said getting rid of the children isn’t an option (joke…sorta…), so I’m just waiting things out.
Medications
Dr. McGowan was very encouraging when I had my virtual follow up with him. It was nice to know I wasn’t alone, and that most people were struggling since COVID-19 hit. It certainly didn’t mean my procedure failed. That was nice to hear. I decided to go ahead and try the topirimate/phentermine medication to help me get through since appetite has always been an issue for me. I started slow (and had the medications separate since my insurance didn’t cover the name brand combo). At first it worked. I did 2 weeks on the lower dose of phentermine and the topiramate in the AM, and then added the second dose after 2 weeks. I dropped 5lbs and was finally losing again. But I could tell I was having the same side effects I had before on topiramate (when I was taking it for migraines). It seems to effect my mood and memory significantly for the worse. So I quit the topiramate and stayed on the phentermine (at a lower dose) just to make sure it was the topiramate that was the issue, and not the phentermine. After about 4 days I felt significantly better. The phentermine continued to work by itself a little (albeit not as good as the combo). However, it does make my anxiety worse. I thought I could just deal with it because anxiety is better than anxiety combined with a terrible mood, but I can’t bring myself to increase it to the full dose again because my anxiety is barely manageable as it is. It does help me with energy quite a bit, so I struggle between the decision to wean off or or stay on it for the benefit vs side effects. I’m still deciding on that one!
Restriction
Lots of people have recently asked me if I still have “restriction” at almost 6 months post procedure now. The honest truth is… I really don’t know. I don’t know because I didn’t measure my portions prior to ESG. I just didn’t really pay much attention. I don’t know if my portions are less now out of habit, or adjusting to smaller portions again, or something else. I simply don’t eat to restriction because I know where that leads. If I ate to feel restriction I would definitely be gaining. My belief is, you can out-eat any weight loss procedure if the goal is to feel restriction each time you eat. I think ESG is probably one of the easiest to “out eat” because there are stitches involved that can fail or stretch, given the right circumstances. If you’re looking for a procedure where you are restricted permanently, and are dependent on that restriction to stop you from eating, ESG may not be the right fit. I have two family members who depends on that restriction. One had the regular surgical sleeve, and has maintained most of her loss because she feels that restriction if she tries to overeat. The other had gastric bypass (that was all that was offered back then) and has also maintained most of her loss, but she gets pretty sick if she overeats (or eats anything with sugar).
I haven’t asked for any type of testing to see if any stitches are out because if they are, I know it’s due to my stomach muscles being stronger than average. I trust that the procedure was done correctly this time 100%. So I think if I found out they were out, it’d just make me feel more like a failure or “weirdo” because I’m the small percentage of people who has stronger stomach muscles and stitches just won’t hold. I still don’t want actual weight loss surgery (a major reason I chose ESG over the surgical sleeve), and I think that’s what would be the next step if they were out again. So unless there’s a good solution (other than surgery) if something is out, I think it’s better I just don’t know and keep tugging along in the process.
I will say this… My first ESG with the other doctor there was no question that the stitches were out very early on. I think most were out within a couple weeks. With this second ESG, done by Dr. McGowan, there was definitely restriction that lasted much longer (even though I went to solids sooner than the first). My experience with Tesha and Dr. McGowan was excellent, and their results (and patients) really back that up.
My journey isn’t over, and I still have more to lose. So I will continue tackle getting healthier, even with the giant COVID19 bump in the road.
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