Nerves
I definitely have some nervousness this time around, but for different reasons than I did before my first ESG. I’m less nervous about the post procedure diet (since I’m really familiar with that now). I’m also less nervous about the quality of care and skill of my surgeon, as I have full confidence in my new doctor, and his staff. They have all been simply amazing so far! My current nerves have more to do with what my doctor will find in my stomach from the first ESG. I have a lot of questions about what exactly was done in there (that I haven’t gotten clear answers to from the doctor who did it the first time). I just hope nothing crazy is going on inside and the new ESG is able to be completed once he’s in there and he sees everything first hand.
Excitement
I’m excited to meet the people (in person) who have made this possible for me. I’m excited for a new beginning, and the start of a new (and better) life. I’m also excited that I don’t have to live the rest of my life wondering if I would have had the same results if had I gone to a different doctor. I am very thankful to have an answer instead of indefinitely wondering “what if?”.
Nerdy Curiosity
I’m in a somewhat unique position. I have not been able to find anyone else who has had a failed ESG, then had it redone by a different doctor. In some ways I feel like I’m running an experiment on myself. And the nerd in me is looking forward to comparing the data and results between the two ESGs. I’m curious if pain will be the same/worse/better with a different medication approach and surgical technique, or if restriction will feel different. My main curiosity, though, is the answer to if a failed ESG done on the same stomach by a different doctor can have a different outcome. If this ESG is successful, it will really be a testiment as to how important surgical method and skill is with this procedure. If it fails again, I will have a clearer answer that something internally inside of me (like a stronger stomach churning mechanism) is causing the sutures to fail. Obviously I really hope it doesn’t fail. But if it does, at least I will know the answer as to why it failed for me personally.
Positivity
I’m choosing to focus on the positives over the uncertainties or anxieties this time around. My mind seems to always go to the worst case scenario first thing whenever I venture out of my comfort zone. It dawned on me shortly after my failed ESG that I simply cannot prepare or predict the outcome of every decision I make. Part of life is learning to step out of my comfort zone, let go of worry, and just try to make the best decision with the information I have, and then make th best of the ride. So here I go, full throttle ahead!
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