I said I was going to be honest on this blog, and I meant it. This is one of those “lets get real, and be honest” posts.
Bad Attitude
I haven’t weighed myself in a couple weeks because it’s been hard “dieting” after finding out the ESG tool failed. I just don’t want to bum myself out further. This made me realize that I need an attitude adjustment.
It’s easy to get caught up in the midst of problems, and it can sometimes be hard to back up and get perspective that things really aren’t that bad. I have all the necessities of life, and then some. Therefore, I don’t believe I have the right to be “depressed” or complain about anything. That’s the most frustrating part of negative emotions (especially depression). You cannot just “logic yourself” out of it. For those that don’t struggle with this, I can see how frustrating it would be to try to even understand it. It takes constant work and self reminders to change how you’re thinking, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do. But it isn’t always 100% successful.
Testing My Restriction
Since I had my ESG on 9/11/19, I have not pushed myself to feel fullness or restriction. But a week ago, I let curiosity get the best of me. So I allowed myself to eat until I felt a bit of fullness. Unfortunately it made me realize that I feel almost no different than before my ESG. I shouldn’t have done this, but I did. And I regret it now because it just made me more anxious and fearful about not having any restriction after my next ESG. For some reason this realization hit me harder than I imagined it would, and it is what lead to a case of the doldrums.
Getting Out of the Doldrums
Tomorrow is the beginning of “winter break” until after New Years Day. So I have decided to take this time to readjust my attitude, and prepare mentally to “start over”. I have made the decision not to worry about all the “what if’s” until January 1st, and to slow my mind down and be “present”. I am sure I will need to remind myself of this 100 times a day.
Come January 1st, game is on! I’m looking at this as a brand new beginning, and I’m downright refusing for this not to be successful, no matter what. I will be back to logging all my calories, weighing every day, and prepping for the new ESG on January 10th.
I’m not expecting any weight loss between now and the 1st. I’m just hoping I don’t gain. So I may stay off of my blog in the meantime to just give myself a small mental break. New attitude, and person coming soon! Stay tuned.
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